The Journey of Emily Fan

"It's so hard talking to you. You're so stubborn and narrow-minded." "You want to quarantine so that you don't have to do chores."  These words my parents said to me replay in my head as I sit in the room anxiously waiting for my test results to come back out, hoping to safely reintegrate with my family after flying in from the East Coast. 2-4 more days left. I know my parents were probably joking or dealing with their own frustrations when those words rolled out of their mouths.  Sometimes I wonder if quarantining was all futile due to the whole house air circulation. Or my brief interactions with my family as I head out to take a walk or bike ride. I sense my throat getting sore and start to wonder if my sense of smell has deteriorated. Sometimes my mind leaps to agonizing about the possibility of months of brain fog that might occur from COVID-19.  But at some point, I don't have to worry about getting brain fog for the rest of my life or about ta

I am sometimes afraid of reducing my responsibilities and taking time off / having free time since I am afraid of using that time unwisely, for instance, by watching YouTube, playing video games, or scrolling through Facebook. And I know that this is the case for many people. Upon reflection, this is because initially, my extrinsic motivation to do work decreases because I have relieved myself from my deadlines and responsibilities. However, having more time for myself because I don't have responsibilities allows for more reflection time (to make diagrams like this), which would lead me to find what intrinsically motivates me, so if I end up exploiting my intrinsic motivations, I would be more productive. There is a delay in this part of the loop, and because of that, I would in fact initially be less productive if I relieve myself of my responsibilities. Regarding the arrows What the + means: having more free time / taking time off  leads to more   personal reflection . What the